Saturday, May 02, 2009
11:16 pm
This whole week has been so strange. There has been no predominant mood or anything but at certain junctures you will suddenly feel so off-balance and confused, and there are times you will behave normally and you will think about how much things have changed but yet stayed the same. Today was the first Saturday in a little more than a month that I actually spent at home. The countless hours at lianpai, then zongcai, always waking up after barely 5 hours of sleep and reaching school early for extra paixi/kaisheng because we'll be worried about some new changes made, or something. The road taken by us has never been an easy one...but I'm glad that I went through this journey of huangcheng2009 with everybody.
There's something wonderful about this whole experience of everybody working towards the same goal and seeing everything come together in one grand product on 公演。 We made friends and got to know people in the strangest ways possible, like listening to all the random crapping inside the huazhuang room every week before runs, kaishenging with our bottles all lined up at the amphi, or making last minute clarifications about the props and set. As a yanyuan, there really were times when I felt the stress, and gave myself so much unnecessary stress (I guess its partly cos of my personality), but it was really touching when everyone rallied around you and told you to jiayou before every single run, or just looked out for you and talked to you at different parts of the preparation process.
My huangcheng journey didn't just start at the audition room when I decided to write on that piece of sign-up sheet, or even in the auditorium in the first week of school when John Lee came and showed us that video. Its amazing how little actions and some specific incidents in your life somehow contribute to the current life that you are living right now. I remember watching Huangcheng'07 and being awed by the scale of it all and the props, and during Huangcheng'08 we were in sec four and thinking about where we might end up the next year and whether we might actually have a chace to step into VT not merely as audiences. It would be kind of drastic to say that my main motivation for O levels was Huangcheng, but I think huangcheng definitely gave me an extra push and extra room to dream. Its not just the desire to stand on the stage and face so many audiences, but rather the feeling of everybody being involved in something together and being able to relieve the camaraderie of working in a production together. There were inevitably times when I compared huahui with huangcheng and found it hard to accept that they are not the same altogether. Huahui was not just about qihang, and there was that sisterly spirit. It was where I really grew up, laughed and cried and spent the best of my secondary school years. Huangcheng is where you put your 100%, 1000% and passion and see endless possibilities take flight. On the last xiemu, that sense of fulfilment you attain after months of working, worrying, doubting, making changes and changes and changes is really indescribable. Without the extreme ups and downs of the earlier months, the final high is something that cannot be achieved. You really feel the meaning of the phrase 'we did it' so thoroughly.
I miss VT. I miss the hum of the aircon and the songs that they play during sound checks, intervals, rehearsals, performances. The huangcheng songs. The surface of the stage, the no-stepping-on-the-basement-carpet, the totally retarded things we get up to in the dressing room, the feeling like we're on holiday. Especially on sunday after 公演 2. We all knew we were going to do our very best for the finale so somehow everyone was so super high and there was no tension or anything. It was just a very pumped-up feeling and all the energy and enthusiasm that every single huangchengren has for huangcheng really just strikes you and seizes you by the heart. Its this sense of how every individual is aware of the part he or she plays and there isn't a single person who feels like this production journey has been a waste of time, or has been something not worth sacrificing anything for. We just kept on laughing and laughing and shumei couldn't even touch up the makeup properly cos we were all giggling too much already (: I wish I could go one week back in time and relieve that experience all over again. Like Yiren says there's really nothing. no more. mei you le. after huangcheng and this sudden emptiness is just so strange. One minute you're being stretched and pushed to the max and the next you're hovering about an empty amphitheatre, and seeing the pai xi di dian without any stage markings. I randomly said my lines today and it felt so strange because I haven't been saying them at all this whole week, while I've been repeating them for XX times throughout this few months.
At the same time I am already getting a little excited about next year. New faces, new venue, new markings, new everything. I wonder what kind of things I will see unfolding at the paixi places, and who will be busy with what. That day we were discussing huangcheng during break and someone (was it zhenping? liuyi?) haha was like saying 'I'm looking forward to next year's huangcheng' and honestly these kind of comments really encourage and spur you on. People appreciate and acknowledge that all that you do has not been in vain. I don't think not being able to act is something that I would be upset over, I'm looking forward to experiencing things from another perspective now (:
Thank you, huangcheng 2009. Like what Lishian said that time, there is only one huangcheng 2009, made up of this specific group of individuals. Thank you to lun hui, our imba fantastic group of daodus + yanyuans who have been subjected to constant torture from mr sheep and managed to deal with changes and changes right up to the very 公演day itself. We have really walked a very long path together. Thank you to daoju, who've rushed out things and adjusted to all our crazy changes and accomodated us, even entertained us with parodies of our scenes. Thank you to sounds, yihui lijun norine, for pei-ing us everytime during paixi, sometimes giving us comments also, thank you to lights for always gen xi-ing and working so tirelessly at VT, thank you to fuzhuang for all the QCs and staying up till wee hours to rush up the guzhuang costumes, thank you to huazhuang for all the support lent before runs and the crapping and laughter we share, to piaowu for the full house, to xuan chuan for the booklets and everything, to sheying for recording our experiences, to every single huangchengren for showing me the endless limits of passion, dedication and commitment.
I'm glad so many people are staying. Especially the yanyuans because seniors said that many would choose to go separate ways after the show, but I'm glad that wasn't the case this year. Its heartwarming to see that even when given a choice, people still make a decision to go through this experience again. This isn't the end, its only the beginning of our continuation, and I hope our batch will only be happier and happier in huangcheng in the following months. Huangcheng <3
