Friday, August 14, 2009
11:16 pm
Had the sudden urge to blog again after reading through some people's stuff. Haha. I don't know how I'm feeling nowadays actually. Life is kind of messed up and full of commitments but yet again very empty and missing something sometimes. Time really flies like crazily fast when you're in JC; I feel like I barely finished orientation and that we've just completed blocks and now everyone is talking about mugging for promos already. So many things to do this weekend. Script, getting things sorted out for PW, catching up on all my subject notes and filing, plus tutorials and having to make sense of lectures which I kind of zoned out at. Actually I really don't like weekends. I'll start of optimistic and then end up feeling like a failure at the end of two free days in which I'll barely accomplish anything.
I think the more time you spend with people in school, the more apparent the splits in personalities and relationships become to you. The more people you meet in life, the wider your circle becomes and I realised that there are still so many different kind sof people out there in the world. Sometimes its hard to make sense of everything and try to be fair and non-judgmental. But one important guiding principle in life I guess is really about being true to yourself. I've believed in karma since young and I think as long as you treat people the way you want them to treat you life will pretty much work out for you. A13 is still the same haha. Doing AA stuff like walking to lecture in one single file like super small kids and shouting random nonsense and continuing to niao people about their real or fake scandals. I always declare that the perfect subject combi for me would have been LCME replacing history with chem but then again life in hwachong would have been so much more different had I decided to take this combi. No Ares, no A13, I may have known a completely different set of people altogether. There are those times when I think we're too slack/too loud/too extreme but really, this is what makes our class our class and separates us from other classes altogether. Now time in school is almost evenly spent between zhiwei and class. Like what HH said, you only really get to know people when you're working with them and that is when their real character really shines through. Even though we kind of know each other from huangcheng times, you won't really know how a person's personality is like because we're all trying so hard to slip into another character and role and trying to distant ourselves from our true personality. Maybe that's why all the yanyuans of each year hardly get chances to bond and most end up drifting if they continue to stay unless they make the effort. All the stuff we get up to when it gets later and later in the LEP room and everyone starts to get their switches turned on and go high. But at this point in time its starting to nag at me that you know, there are so many things you wished that you could do but somehow are unable to carry out. We were busy with huiqing for a few months after xiaohuangcheng and now that huiqing has come and gone, suddenly we have to step down from cca to prepare for promos and subsequently PW. Plus there were plans that we tried carrying out but failed halfway like all the CIP coordination stuff and ugh. I don't know if its because I'm not trying hard enough or what. There's only a few more months that we can really spend as a CCA before we start becoming busy with huangcheng and I hope I won't be letting it go to waste.
It really strikes me how class and cca are like worlds apart though, seriously. The way I speak changes, the language I use changes, my sense of humour changes and hmm alot of stuff hurr. Its not a matter of having different personalities or what though just that I feel compelled to adapt to my surroundings as it is? That day after GP we wanted to go to the class bench to do PW and I was saying that it was ji noisy and then everyone in class got a shock from it haha. But zhiyi and weilun and the rest of the zhiwei all talk like that and its no big deal! Rah. Its like I speak nothing but english and talking about all the lit and history stuff the whole morning and then in the afternoon its like talking about chinese soc stuff and listening to weilun's songs and hurr. Kind of overwhelming. I don't know why people are so prejudiced against using chinese if they think their english is good though. I mean, you're singaporean. Its important to be bilingual hurr. Some people I see now are seriously extreme cases. Hmmmm.
Academics are starting to stress me ): Blocks were done relatively well but now you feel the need to keep on improving the standards you know. Its not like I am aiming to go to a prestigious uni or trying to take H3 just because I want to win some coveted scholarship but its really more like a necessity. Not everyone's parents has the money to put them through university overseas even if they don't get a scholarship alright. And even local unis' tuition fees are quite expensive. I've always been aware of the fact that if I really want to be able to properly provide for my parents and stuff after I finish school I'll need to work super hard at my grades and try and get a scholarship so that they wouldn't have to keep on working esp. since they're not so young anymore. Trying to choose between lit and econs is hmmm. Quite difficult but that day I was talking to my mum and she was telling me to follow my heart. The thing is, is it really so simple to just follow your heart in a place like singapore? Sometimes making the more pragmatic choice might open up more options to you and sometimes following what you think your interests lie in might just provoke a change of attituide in the end. Idk. Tonight shall be the last time I really spend time online looking at random stuff and blogging and whatnot. Time to start working on everything else important in life. And think through a lot a lot more things. Rah.
