Monday, April 26, 2010
1:10 am
黄城夜韵
今年在台上跟大家说，我们明年再见
真的是最后一次了
在这四年以来跟黄城的接触
不管是一个傻傻，充满期待的观众
还是一个紧张，幸福的演员
或者一个抱着种种顾虑的音响组长
都留下来了种种回忆
也让我感受到很多东西，学到了一生中最重要的东西
一切不会到此结束
但当我了解到
再也不会对黄城有一样的期待
一样的经历
真的有些不舍
Much as I wish to write all this down in chinese I guess there are really moments when writing in a language fails you. I'm sorry for not being able to put across things sincerely! ):
To any 黄城人， huangcheng is definitely more than just a yearly student production. It is the product of passion and hard work, and ultimately a manifestation of the passion that is able to drive one on in relentlessly putting in effort and hard work towards a drama production that seeks to combine both this spirit and the ensuing result of artistic expression, technical coordination and meticulous administration into what we know as 黄城夜韵. Today is the anniversary of Huangcheng'09, a production from which I can recall deep memories of breathing in the expectant hum of the VT air, the thrill of standing on stage and experiencing that overwhelming sense of satisfaction at hearing laughter or applause from the audience's reaction towards the acting, set design or even the lighting. After 小黄城 yesterday which marked the appointment of the next generation of 筹委 and 执委, and being relieved (or rather deprived of) any further responsibilities and involvement in HC, it really felt like the end of a special, meaningful relationship and journey, a big portion that has suddenly been extracted from my life.
This was really where I experienced different phases of growing up, of knowing more about people and passion and drama. First encountering the show in 2007 left a deep impression on me and all of us from SN ; I can still remember the sense of wonderment at every small detail in the show, from how they managed to construct a bus stop out of metal to the emcee-ing and the opening video. Qihang was a small-scale production which alot of sincerity and heart invested in it, but this was something bigger and grander and so different yet the same.
2008 was the turning point; the last year of the sheltered environment of secondary school life in SN and the bringing forth of many different directions towards life in JC. It would be extreme to say that HC'08 was the motivating factor that pushed me to work hard for exams and entertain that possibility of entering HC so that I can experience for myself what it means to be standing on that VT stage and facing the crowds of audience, but it was definitely a large contributing reason. I still remember how HH and I and the rest were so overwhelmed after the show and trying not to raise our hopes to high of hopefully being able to do the exact same thing as our seniors did in the next year. There were times when I would imagine how that experiencing huangcheng will be like, from videos and photos shown at the production, the intensity and the largeness of its scale, being able to work alongside other people with the same enthusiasm and spirit, and more.
There was never a moment in 2009 when I took my role as a yanyuan for granted; after those 2 years of being so 向往 towards HC, and having so many personal dreams and expectations of the experience, I didn’t want to disappointment myself. There were really so many challenges and deciding rounds that I had to get through before actually being involved in the acting process, from exams and results to choosing a JC and finally going for the rounds of auditions. The prospect of being involved in something this big made me anticipate JC life more than being afraid or dreadful of change. A lot of things that I expected did indeed come true last year, but there were also so many unexpected and really crazy and intense moments that I don’t think I will ever forget. The new JAE system affected the time frame of the production process and the stress of having to juggle studies with official academic activities, and I comprehended the multiple challenges that everyone had to face in order to present a final, perfect performance to the 3000-strong audience on the actual day. Life was very different from huahui when we didn’t have to strain ourselves to meet sky-high expectations, when teachers stood along with us on the same side and continually encouraged us, when everything was so protected and simple. There were so many moments of questioning and disillusionment when one hurdle appeared after another, script changes, being incompetent, being reprimanded, etc. Up till the day of gong yan itself we had to take out an entire scene and replace that with new lines, which meant stress for everyone because cues had to be changed at the last minute. But without all these ups and downs, the moments when we were scolded after zongcai 2, when we went to coro when we were not supposed to, when yanglaoshi came to la xi on the spot, when everyone was hard at work going through everything again after runs and fixing mistakes, that sense of completion wouldn’t have been so poignant at the end of the final xiemu.
I guess that for me would really be the final experience of working in 前台 and encountering drama head-on in the entire span of my life, unless some random opportunity really comes up in the future and I am able to take it up again. So many decisions had to be made after 黄城 ’09, having to decide the path I want to take as a J2 and also with regards to 中文学会. Around me and HH people were deciding if they wanted to stay or leave after the first year but I guess I was really quite adamant about staying because I couldn’t see myself doing anything else but this. Then there was that whole process of making decisions about what to join in 筹委; during huangcheng and maybe right after that I kind of presumed that I would be joining daodu, but was still a little hesitant about it because of a lot of reasons. I don’t know if I was tired, or if past experiences gave me a feeling that doing what I have always been doing in theatre would make me lose the magic of encountering something new, or restrict my perspective of things. Then yisheng/yijing remembered something I had told them right after huangcheng about future plans, and chenxi told me that sounds needed people, anyway after a lot of talking to seniors and people and thinking I decided to try for sounds based on the experiences I had back in huahui, of listening to a soundtrack and being able to recover or imagine the feeling of a show once again, and of contributing towards drama from an alternative angle. I don’t regret it, though of course there were moments when I wished I could contribute to 前台 as well, and I guess this year what I did in sounds was pretty much from the perspective of 前台 rather than technical knowledge ><
This year, encountering 黄城 hands-on, at full blast, within that constricted period of 5 working weeks and having all the expectations from the school and teachers was piled on us was perhaps the most memorable and different year. It isn’t just referring to the specific period of the production process but more from the perspective of this being the final year that I will ever be involved in the production. Though perhaps J1 was more intense and my personal involvement demanded a lot of me, leading to really crazy ups and downs, this year, experiencing everything from a macro perspective, doing the shows and emcees and seeing friends and people around me being directly involved enabled me to see and feel a lot of things that I have never encountered. I really enjoyed being a senior, more so than a junior I guess, comprehending the heavy responsibility you posses in having to pass down the same attitudes towards huangcheng and drama to people who initially never had any interest in this area, working with people I am familiar with and unfamiliar with, being disillusioned and disappointed and being made to grow up once again when facing all these external challenges of teachers and authority and tradition et cetera. With each year that passes, the identity of HC is questioned again and again; whether what we are doing is still appropriate and suitable for today’s audiences and atmosphere, the quality of the shows and the emphasis on drama, the true definition of the spirit that pushes a group of people on and the pitfall of this production being more and more like a symbol we are obliged to carry on or mere work. These are issues and questions that need to be slowly unraveled, but for our batch, I really saw and appreciated the efforts of every individual who tried to genuinely put in their personal best and were able to remain sincere and real in their attitudes towards HC.
As you grow older you see more and more people with complex attitudes and personalities, people who are manipulative and conniving, who may not be what they claim to be, but people I know in HC are real in their passion. We may not be perfect or even meeting standards in terms of skill and ability, but we try. Thank you to everyone who has left a mark and impression on me throughout these two months, or maybe almost eight months if you include the pre-production period, people who have sacrificed their time and sleep in order to attend to the smallest details, who continue to express understanding and patience after conflicts and stress, who express a genuine desire to contribute in whatever way they can, who have looked out for each other, taken care of people who are sick, who are humble and acknowledge their faults and strive to correct them, all these people who I have come to respect and appreciate (: When I look back life in HC, it will really be these people who I remember the most even if we are not that close personally or haven’t known each other for a long time. 谢谢你们，让我看到真诚 (:
黄城有最蓝的天空
每片云都载着心情的成果
要你期待让你感动
惊喜快乐还有梦
黄城陪你度过
黄城 <3
